Way back in #7, I went through a bunch of some of the worst film sequels ever made. I made a promise that I would come back to this subject and do damage to my very soul be bringing you even more of the worst sequels ever made.
Once again, the rules.
1) The sequel must be a direct sequel of some sort. So, for instance, there are one or two Bond films that are pretty shitty (Moonraker) but many of the Bond films aren’t really connected. Star Trek 5 however has a clear connection to the other Star Trek films.
2) Theatrical release must have been an option (at some point). Straight to video sequels were prevalent during the VHS age but with the advent of the digital age both in film equipment and the cheapness of DVD, there have been a ton of straight to video/DVD sequels.
3) No prequels. It’d be way too easy to give it to Episode 1.
4) I have to have seen the film. While I will pass judgement on a lot films I haven’t seen (Twilight 2 to whatever for instance. I saw the first one, it was shit, I won’t assume it gets any better), in this case I need to have actually tried to watch the film.
5) Disappointment counts as crap. Disappointment is probably worse then a movie being actual crap.
6) Try to avoid reboots. Sequels to remakes were ok, but an actual reboot of the series wasn’t looked at. (There are two films on this list might be an exception to this rule depending on how you view it)
Without further ado, some of the worst film sequels ever made!
Conan The Destroyer
Wilt Fucking Chamberlain. Nothing sums up a movie going down the shitter better then adding a sports star to the cast. Conan The Destroyer was quickly slapped together due to Arnie’s fast rising star. The quickness of the film resulted in a lack lustre story and something that doesn’t remotely equal the original. The worst part is that Conan The Barbarian wasn’t exactly rocket science. Despite this, we still got The Destroyer and the not so great reboot from last summer.
The Fly 2
David Cronenberg’s version of The Fly is pretty well perfect in terms of remakes. The sequel…well… it stars Eric Stolz as Jeff Goldblum’s son… and then more or less rehashes the original… but not as good. While the film tries it’s best to explain the main character’s accelerated growth, it never quiet explains the emotional and intellectual maturity that Stolz’s character possess. Not to mention it just comes off as dumb.
The Lost World: Jurassic Park 2
If ever a movie felt like a cash grab, this would be it. They take the dinosaurs from the island and make a poor man’s Godzilla. Yes, I’m well aware that it’s based on a book and things were changed but the book sure as hell felt like a cash grab as well. JP 3 is at least so terrible it’s fun – Sam Neil hamming it up for an entire flick – but part 2 is just plain terrible.
The first Robocop is an awesome action film with some solid social satire. Robocop 2 is a decent action film with some social satire. Robocop 3 is a made for tv version of Robocop masquerading as a theatrical film. Written by Frank Miller (yes, his screenplay was played with but it wasn’t great to begin with), the film literally has one good scene in it. Other then that, the Robocop tv show was better than this piece of crap.
Speed 2: Cruise Control
...um.... so number one in Guam is good? Only movie in Guam eh?
So let’s take Speed, a solid action flick with an interesting premise of a bomb on a bus that makes it impossible to slow down. Now let’s take that same premise and put it on a boat. As semi-ridiculous as the first idea sounded, putting it on a boat seems just plain stupid. And let’s take that dumb plot and not have the main character in it and replace him with someone who, while a good actor, is terribly miscast, especially due to a lack of chemistry between Jason Patrick and Sandra Bullock.
And right after my dance number... going to see 30 Seconds To Mars!
A lot of fans really love Spider-Man. Spider-Man 2 tends to divide fans a bit but over all, it’s pretty positive. I have yet to find a single person who loved Spider-Man 3 or even any that even liked the film. Widely regarded as the result of film and comic pressures to include Venom, the film seems pretty schizophrenic right down to an odd, completely out of place dance number. I’m one of those people who likes having complete sets of films, even when they might include something crappy (I own Robocop 3 for instance). I’ve never had any desire to own this film even when I saw it cheap during a Blockbuster closing sale.