This is an open letter to the two people who ruined my Planetarium experience in New York last week.

Dear Assholes,

Let me begin by saying, I love the movie Water World. Every time I watch that or any post – apocalyptic movie, I get real sense of longing. Not for the inevitable one eyed gang leaders or metal faced goons with spiky shoulder pads, but for the residents of these worlds. Unlike our reality, these Mad Max/Water World extras are so busy desperately clinging on to their humanity they have very little time to reflect adoringly on the minutia of their every day lives.

Recently, while in NYC, I visited the Planetarium at the Museum of Natural History. The last time I was at a Planetarium, they were showing shitty 8bit laser light Pink Floyd  shows. (I was too young to be on drugs to truly appreciate it) So I was excited to go as an adult and watch the feature presentation,  “Journey to the Stars”. To quote from the brochure:

 Journey to the Stars features extraordinary images from telescopes on the ground and in space and stunning, never-before-seen visualizations of physics-based simulations, the dazzling new Journey to the Stars launches visitors through space and time to experience the life and death of the stars in our night sky, including our own nurturing Sun….

Which brings me to you, Assholes. Apparently  “extraordinary images from telescopes” or “ the life and death of the stars in our night sky, including our own nurturing Sun” wasn’t enough for the two of you to stop your shitty conversation.  As we moved around the galaxy, watching stars becoming red dwarfs, you morons were more involved with the recounting of the EPIC appetizer you had before the EPIC main course which consisted of  several EPIC dishes.

I think when idiots like yourselves display a crippling degree of  irony, it should be re-named Mor-rony

1st of all, EPIC tap pas place? What does the UNIVERSE have to do to clue you in on your actual insignificance? Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe your lives have gotten so mediocre and boring you’ve forgotten what something EPIC actually looks like.  So here’s a little help. I’ve careful crafted two sentences using the word EPIC. One of them is correct. The other isn’t. Can you guess which one? Think of them as a training manual. Keep them in your wallet, or you glove box and pull them out from time to time to quiz yourself. Ready? Here we go…

A) “One day everyone you know will die, because our EPIC life-giving Sun has a shelf life and will  burn itself out of existence.”


B)“Remember that Butter chicken we had? That was EPIC.”

Did you see which sentence misused the word EPIC? If you said B the you were right. If you guessed A, well you’re a moron, and why do I have such high expectations of  you anyway?

Yep. You made it official assholes. The word EPIC sucks. I dislike how people misused the word “ghetto”. I’m appalled at overall  acceptance of the phrase “date rape”. But within the ease of EPIC, well now that’s reserved for place I like to call  pure hate.

Long gone is it’s actual usefulness in the English language. I’m not sure exactly how or when that happened. It might of had it’s roots in Nerd culture. However,  what I’m certain of is, when I hear some one use it, it’s rarely for anything actually EPIC.  You know what’s EPIC in 2012? Sandwiches, Cell Phone Plans and Red Bull Cocktails.

The fact that the word is so horrendously misused doesn’t surprise me. Some people think it’s generational thing but I disagree. No, I think this is just a case of dumb mother fuckers like yourselves who are so caught up in your own self importance that haven’t had time to look at how your actions effect the world around you. The fact that you refer to your lunch as EPIC while educated, enlightened people present to you a very possible future of your universe is yes, ironic, but more importantly… EPICALLY stupid.

I had to get that off my chest. Thank god I still have this.

And if you’re gonna geek out, GEEK HARD!

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