Well the Olympics are on and nothing helps get the numbers up on a site then mentioning a current event like the Olympics. Which are happening right now. The Olympics is what I’m talking about. For those of you who forgot, I said Olympics. (Hopefully that helps)

Any way, if you haven’t noticed, this post is currently residing on a site dedicated to Geek and nerd culture,  and as a writer of Geek and nerd culture,  I’ve decided to focus my energy on creating a post which finds the geekiness within the Olympics. (I did it again)

So what are comparisons between Nerds and the Olympics?

Ok, an argument could be made that sprinters are a lot like The Flash…Wow, that was the best one I had. I figured I’d  come out guns-a-blazing and all I could come up with was “Sprinters are like the Flash”  As if no one as ever made that comparison.  There are two things I know for a fact: #1 the fastest man alive is Jamaican,  and #2 if his name was Wally it had to have been a lonely, lonely childhood.

Here’s my  problem….

I’m not a sports person. I always get a dude bro asking me if I’ve been watching the playoffs, or who am I rooting for in some series for whatever semi-finals of some sort of sporting event that was on TV the night before and I always respond with, “I’m not really into sports”. Which to most dude bros sounds like  “I can will my penis to crawl up inside my belly (*Whispers) and no one would be the wiser!”

How about this one…

Olympic village could be compared to the X-Men’s Utopia. Only with 50% less emotional drama? No? Yeah, it’s a bit of a reach.

I totally appreciate the idea that these are athletes  who are dedicated to competing in an event where money and corporate greed aren’t a factor. It’s all wonderful and good but my problem is that it’s also 17 days long! 17 days of television focused on jumping, running and diving. I just don’t understand why they can’t squeeze in a Game of Thrones sub-plot along the way. It has GAME in the name, for fuck sakes.

Ok, how about the shot put?

It’s like Thor throwing Mjölnir… but it doesn’t return….nor can it control lighting and whirlwinds…and you can only throw it a short distance….Also any one can pick it up…Oh, yeah and it’s not a hammer. More of a ball…

I won’t say most geeks aren’t into the Olympics (I don’t have a brush that big) but really, it’s not exactly a geeky event. Which leads me to ask: Will there ever be a Geek Olympics?  I think I could watch 17 days of geeks and nerds from all over the world competing in RPG, chess and Super Smash Bros tournaments. There are tons of people in the community more then adept at receiving gold medals at the Geek Olympics for events like:

– Synchronized Message Board Bitching

– The 100 Meter Grant Morrison Worship

– Con-funk Power Lift

– Spoiler Alert Relay

and of course

– Debating the subtle nuances and exposition that make up the complex quilt which we all know as HBO’s The Wire.   (All of which would have mandatory drug testing of course)

What can I say? I’m not a sports guy but I do love competition…and talking cars that jump canyons while turning  into giant robots…why isn’t that an event?! Please Olympic Jesus, give me just one year where the Olympics is dedicated to my fandom and I will burn an effigy so magnificent in your honor… or I’ll make you a zombie cupcake.


 And if you’re gonna geek out, GEEK HARD!

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 Last Week’s Column: Things I’ve Learned While Buying Plastic Men – Batman-ing on a Budget