Hey people, can we stop leaving our dirty underpants in the middle of the street? It’s 2012 already. Every time I see Underpants in the middle of the street, my soul weeps for humanity.
We are at the apex of humanity and this is still a problem? We still can’t figure out to keep our underpants on until we get home, or at the very least throw it in a bush? It’s not like it I’m the only one that’s seen underpants in the street either. Everyone reading this post has seen a pair on the road at least five times in their life. So, at what point can we start using the word pandemic?
When I see some crusty Hanes lying in a cross walk, part of me (mind you a small part) actually understands where creationists are coming from ’cause there’s no way humans could have evolved into that. I believe that every seed of doubt Darwin had in those early days came from witnessing a soaking wet pair of week old, Victorian Fruit of the Looms lying in the gutters on the cobble stone streets of London.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this is a nurture over nature thing. Maybe its some sort of failure on the part of the parents. As a parent your job is to pass on your knowledge to your child in hopes that they go into the world making moral decisions and treating people as equals. At no point are you thinking, “Maybe I should have taught him to not throw his dirty banana hammock onto a busy sidewalk where nuns canvas for church money and orphans wait for the bus”.
I don’t claim to know what goes through the mind of a person who throws their used underwear onto the road. All I can assume is that it must have been a panicked decision. People aren’t calm and rational when it comes to throwing their unmentionables into traffic. I’m no historian, but I’ll bet my RRSP that no one in the history of the world, has ever walked down the street and thought to themselves:
“You know what? The Lord has blessed my family with the gift of underpants a-plenty and I think it’s time we gave back. I’m sure there’s some poor soul out there that could use the warm pair I have on right now! Who am I to deny him the comfort I have taken advantaged of for years. I’ve crunched the numbers, and basically the best way to insure that person in need gets these underpants would be for me to leave them right here in the middle of this major intersection. I’ll just take off my cords and loosen my cape and voila! Under pants are on the road. It’s my very own version of take penny/leave a penny if said pennies were dirty, filthy and pee stained.”
God damn it I’m getting old.
If You’re gonna geek out, GEEK HARD!