Welcome to another Two Brothers Review. For the uninitiated, this column is a co-production by me, Andrew Young, and my brother Nathan. I write a full review and then Nathan gives his thoughts at the end. So what do the two of us review? Movies, of course. Sometimes we watch a film and we both have the urge to say something about it. This is kind of like a cage match: two men enter, one man leaves. Except in this case it’s more like, “two guys and a film enter, the two guys get annoyed with the film and end up writing a column”. I guess it’s not like a cage match come to think of it. So without further ado, here’s this edition of the Two Brothers Review.

Usually, this column is reserved for direct-to-video films featuring a recognizable cast and too much money spent on a bad idea. This time, we went down a different path and decided to take a look at an independent film. This ended up in our laps almost by mistake. In fact, I had bought a copy out of the Diamond Distribution Previews Catalog as a gag gift for a friend. He watched the film and said he found it mildly entertaining and asked me to watch it to get my opinion of it. The film in question is Clown Hunt, originally released in 2010 and brought to DVD in 2011. It’s a rare find as aside from an imdb page and a really shitty website, I haven’t been able to find much information for this flick on the interwebs. But not everything rare is valuable as my brother and I soon found out.

The title of the film gives away the plot. This movie is about a clown hunt. In a world where clowns live wild and are hunted for sport, their population has been depleted over time. This does not stop clown hunting from happening annually and for a group of good old boys in Texas, it’s the best time of the year. It’s the start of the season and a group of them have made the trip out to a clown breeder’s property to shoot themselves some clowns. But this time seems different as it may be the year that the clowns fight back. A simple enough premise that is made messy by a few subplots including one of the hunters secretly wanting to be a clown and the rumors of Albino Willie, a famous albino clown who’s impossible to catch, being seen in the area. I wish I could say there was more to this film but there isn’t. I wish I could say I’ve forgotten most of this by now but it will be burned into my memory for a long long time.

The film is written and directed by Barry Tubb who also plays Gene in film (the secret clown). You might recognize Barry as he’s had a long and fruitful acting career appearing in movies and television in such projects as Lonesome Dove, Top Gun, and more recently as a regular on Friday Night Lights. But this is only his second of three rounds as a writer/director for a feature film. There are also a number of actors, like David Keith and Savannah Welch, who might not be big names but are regular working actors with a number of substantial credits to their names. I look at these people, knowing that each of them have at least some level of talent based on their past work, and I wonder how much crack they all smoked before agreeing to make this movie.

This film tries super hard to be controversial, sacrificing any semblance of plot or likeable characters. The problem is it tries too hard to the point where anything they add for shock value seems more mundane then the joke before it. Not to say that this film isn’t offensive. The film features a man getting raped by a clown and the scene isn’t played for laughs. The clown, Albino Willie has a grim sneer as he takes the hunter from behind and thrusts him for what seems like an eternity. The hunter goes back to his crew almost catatonic but is miraculously fine the next morning. There is also a menage a clown at one point as well as two dudes mudwrestling in their undies and a  double ended vibrator. All cheap jokes and scenes to get a rise out of the audience that never comes.

Shitty Fred – the only good thing in this movie because he’s trying to kill himself and get free of this unfunny thing.

The film also lacks focus for having a simple premise. It’s a movie about killing clowns yet we see the hunters kill Santa Claus, who is inexplicably hanging around. Two of the hunters also hunt down and kill a communist film critic. I believe this is an inside joke that goes on far too long. In fact, everything goes on far too long with this film. There’s a scene where a pair of hunters kill a mime by mistake. They then spend some time debating in french (I guess because he’s a mime and french is the language of the mime? I don’t know) about whether or not to eat his dick. This scene goes on for about 7 minutes. And that’s 7 minutes too long. Not to mention that they can’t keep their story straight. At first the clowns are presented as animals but then a member of their crew joins up with the clowns and becomes one then one of the clowns and gets scared and shits jelly beans on the side of the road. And who am I suppose to root for in this film? The redneck hunters are losers who I wouldn’t trust to sit the right way on a toilet seat. The clowns are lacking any real personality save that their clowns and their shown at the beginning of the film stomping on baby chickens and bouncing kitty cats off of trampolines. When everybody is a douche, who’s the good guy?

I am a lover of independent film and I wish I could tell you this is one you should track down. But unless you’re a brain dead redneck who likes a half baked plot to set up boring jokes that are sold as controversial, this film isn’t for you. I know some of you out there are thinking, “Oh come on.  You’re expecting too much from a goofy comedy. The plot’s always bad in a movie like this.” I have one thing to say to that. There are two kinds of bad movies: the ones that are so bad they’re hilarious and the kind that should just be turned off. I’ll admit that I couldn’t stop watching this movie but not out of enjoyment. I really wanted to see how far they would go to try and make me laugh and get no response. They went far…..God, did they go far.

So that’s my review of Clown Hunt. Now it’s time for Nathan to speak his mind. Printed below are direct quotes from him made during and after watching the DVD of Clown Hunt. His opinions and thoughts do not reflect Geek Hard or its associates, but I thought that they should be printed to provide an honest movie-goer’s take on the film. Some of his comments may be seen as offensive. Others might not make sense at all. I have included them all to paint the picture of how mad this movie made him. Read on.

Mention a clown to Nathan after watching this film and this is the face he makes.

NATHAN YOUNG’S THOUGHTS ON CLOWN HUNT

So he’s raping the guy? I thought he was gonna throw shit in face. Why did he take his shit to begin with?

So they go and kill a critic and they chase a clown but where the hell did this tiger child and the bunny come from? Not to mention, Santa Claus got killed with Clowns. Why are clowns hanging out with Santa Claus? He’s in the middle of jack shit nowhere. Wouldn’t he be in the North Pole making toys?

There’s a few scenes that go on way too long. No, fuck that. EVERY SCENE GOES ON WAY TOO LONG.

The thing I still find the most offensive is that the guy didn’t wipe his ass.

I’m not a sad clown. I’m not even a happy clown. I’m an angry clown. I’m angry that I had to watch this shit.

I recommend this movie to the Beautiful Wave Guy. Every shitty film I see goes to the beautiful wave guy. He seems to like pieces of shit. If he likes random things like turtles on beaches. He’d probably love clowns running with sheep.

There was no effects for any of the gunshots. But there were tons of sound effects. All the money went to the sound effects. I heard car horns, I heard children laughing, camels, whoopee cushions, lots of fart sound….all while two clowns were having sex.

The guy acts more shocked that he got shot in the shoulder than when he got raped. He didn’t even wipe his ass. He brought toilet paper. But he didn’t wipe his ass. The clown stole his shit. What did he do with his shit? I’d like to think he took it and gave it to the director….and then all the clowns raped him.

Just like Beautiful Wave, this movie is like going to Air Zone, everything is broken, you got sheep all around and there’s a clown trying to molest you. And that is actually a step up from watching this movie.

It took 40 minutes for them to actually start killing clowns. Their whole lead up to that? Getting drunk and singing about bowling!

I didn’t learn anything.

Friggin’ Clowns eating licorice on Friggin trees. Kiss my ass.

If you’re gonna geek out, GEEK HARD!

 

Other Two Brothers Reviews:

Two Brothers Review Beautiful Wave

Two Brothers Review Demoted