A few days ago  a picture surfaced of Justin Bieber holding up a script for the new Man of Steel. Apprently the Biebs is reading for the part of Robin.

Just to be clear, it’s not Jason Todd. Sorry, your lead pipes need not apply. 🙁

I’m pretty sure it’s a hoax… sorta sure. Either way, it doesn’t make a difference. What kind of sick fuck jokes about a thing like Justin Beiber playing Robin? Even if it’s just a big elaborate prank on all of us from the Kaufman-like minds of Bieber and his camp. I still say NO MEANS NO!

Here’s the thing, when they announced Ben Affleck playing Batman everyone was pissed, but not me. I was like, “We’ll see how it turns out”. But this Justin Bieber thing, I’m ready to throw a garbage can through the front window of a pizza place… Or just break my diet and eat at a pizza place. (If only those Vietnam Monks knew that that was a viable way to protest.)

If Bieber’s in, most fans will be hoping a scene like this one is in the script.

How much money does Warner Bros. need? I mean you already have Batman and Superman in one movie, you’re basically printing money. They haven’t even scripted the damn thing and I have tickets. Who’s in these production meetings thinking,  “Superman and Batman… But what about the One Direction crowd? How can we bring them in?”

I’ve put up with Justin Bieber because it (Yes “it” applies here) had nothing to do with me. It was a “little girl” thing. Who was I to complain about little girl’s things? I learned my lesson after the all out war  I had against Polly Pocket in the late 90’s. So when people my age complained about how shitty this Justin Bieber kid is or how he’s ruining music, I was always like “Hey it’s not for me”.

But now  he’s stepping into my territory, my universe if you will.  Justin Bieber as Robin is one foot over the line, sweet Jesus.  That carefree man that  once said “Hey it’s not for me” is gone, replaced with a hardened Sargent Murtaugh-like fury. “I’m getting to old for this shit!”

Like I said, I’m usually pretty easy going when it comes to movie rumors and the like but I’ll be honest, this scares me. Not because Justin could potentially ruin the movie or because his music is shit, but because his world terrifies me.  It’s mindless and huge and men like me do not understand it, with its confusing customs and bizarre yet over enthusiastic rituals. The very thought of having to confront it blows my mind. Whether Justin Beiber playing Robin is a joke or not, every nerd needs to seriously ask themselves… Am I prepared to sit though a 90 minutes of little girl screams?

You can follow me on Twitter @GavinbStephens

If you’re gonna geek out, GEEK HARD!

“Come on, old chum. Show me some of your new dance moves.”

Past Columns:

Things I Learned While Buying Plastic Men: Knowledge is King!
Things I Learned While Buying Plastic Men: Superman is kinda like Me
Things I Learned While Buying Plastic Men: Stop Dumbing it Down, Already!