(EDITOR’S NOTE: *For those that haven’t seen the following episodes, SPOILERS may be present from here on out.*)

As I continue my pilot watching, it has taken me to a new entry in the cybercrime side of TV. Yep, we had Intelligence (woefully under appreciated) last year. Now we have Scorpion, a show about a hacker collective that is trying to be white hats. Which, as the pilot will show, is hard to believe this was inspired by actual events.

The show opens with an armed tactical raid on a small home in the Irish countryside. As it unfolds, we learn that the US team of highly trained killers were sent in after a 10 year old boy. All he wanted was the blue prints to the space shuttle for his wall. Is that really too much to ask? Apparently as he is whisked off for some nefarious reasons, we suppose.

As the show moves forward about 20 years we meet a now grown up version of Walter O’Brien. He is still a genius but it’s obvious that he a hard time interacting with people. I mostly know this because we keep getting told that he does. Here he and his current girlfriend are breaking up while he is on a job setting up a wifi network in a restaurant. He discovers that the waitress’s son who’s there is also a genius. Small world.

As he returns to Scorpion headquarters, he finds the other members of his team of misfits dealing with their issues. We have Elyes Gabel as Walter the leader, Eddie Kaye Thomas as Toby Curtis the human behaviorist, Jadyn Wong as Happy Quinn the mechanical engineer and Ari Stidham as Sylvester Dodd the human calculator. They are about to be beaten by thugs thanks to Toby when Agent Cabe Gallo, played by Robert Patrick, shows up with a crisis. The computers at LAX have been hacked and corrupted not allowing the current 56 planes flying above to land.

The old issues between Agent Gallo and Walter pop up and are quickly resolved. There are planes to save and $50,000 a piece to solve the problem. They really need the money. Anyway, as they try to solve the issue they go back to the diner from earlier because it has the “only” stable working wifi Walter trusts. Wow that was lucky.

As they arrive, they pull rank and kick out everyone so they can work. Luckily Gallo happens to have wads of cash just laying around to make things go smooth. The owner of the diner may have immigration issues so he leaves the waitress from earlier with the kid to lock up. Well that’s handy because now we get to meet Katharine McPhee‘s Paige Dineen character.

As 4 of the smartest people in the world work together to try and solve this issue they are hit with hurdles so stupid it hurts the brain. Of course the airport doesn’t have the original install disks, of course the data center is closed, of course they accidentally wipe the backup and of course they need to hack the city traffic control so they can race a car down to a local small airfield to try the next fix.

Well guess what? That didn’t work either. Up to now, the pilot was pretty simple but some fun. It now goes bat shit crazy. The final solution the corrupted software was to bring a large airliner down to 20 feet off the runway as a Ferrari races underneath at 200 miles per hour. Wait for it… so they can drop a ethernet cable down to the car and connect physically to the computer which will send the fix back to the tower at LAX. I shit you not. That’s the solution. It’s like Uwe Boll, McG, Brett Ratner and Micheal Bay all got together with Lloyd Kaufman to make this story happen. It’s that idiotic.

In the end everyone gets paid and they all get offered jobs with the government working for Gallo. Yes even the waitress. It sounds like she will be some kind of public liaison for these socially inept geniuses.

At first, Scorpion was a little bit of entertainment focused more on fun than logic. However that doesn’t mean you can expect me to turn off my mind. If this is the kind of idiotic storytelling this show is going to have, it better take a page from Chuck and know that it’s an insane story. Otherwise, this show will continue to slide off the edge of credible into a swamp of pure shit.

If you’re gonna geek out, GEEK HARD!