Welcome to another edition of New Comics, where we give our suggestions on what books to pick up when perusing the comic shelves week to week. As always, I am joined by Kris Johnson of Bizarre Comics Entertainment. Read on to find the best of what the comic shop has in store for you this week.

SIMPSONS: TREEHOUSE OF HORROR #23 $4.99 (Bongo) – Yes, we are over a month away from Halloween! But goddammit, those bastards at Bongo are parodying IT in the latest edition of the Treehouse of Horror series. So Halloween is starting early, okay? Okay?! Good. I got worried for a second there. I thought you guys might possibly be willing to pass up what’s sure to be a hilarious story all about that time that pre-teen versions of Homer, Marge, Lenny, Carl, and Barney battled a sewer dwelling, child-eating clown, most likely personified by a really cranky Krusty. But that would be crazy. Wouldn’t it? WOULDN’T IT?!! Good. I’m glad we’re on the same page. Now let’s all enjoy the first Simpsons Stephen King parody since The Shinning and hope it’s just as good as that all-time classic. (Kris Johnson)

BLOODSHOT SALVATION #1 $3.99 (Valiant) – Bloodshot can’t catch a break. Just when it looks like things are going good for him and his girlfriend, Magic, the world’s gotta shit in his cornflakes. (I hear some people pay for that.) This new title from Jeff Lemire, Lewis LaRosa and Mico Suayan (all Bloodshot regulars by now) covers both the present and the future for this kill machine and his daughter, showing the two being hunted in two different times. Like I said, Bloodshot just can’t catch a break. (Andrew)

DARK ARK #1 $3.99 (Aftershock) – Errybody errywhere knows the story of Noah’s Ark at this point, right? No? Everyone hasn’t had it forced upon them a some point, even tangentially? Okay, fair enough. Here’s the Coles Notes: Waaaaay back in the day, God recognized humanity was too far gone to save, what with the wickedness and whatnot. So he decided that the prudent thing to do would be to wipe everything away with a big ole flood and start fresh, as one does. Of course, God also figured it might be a good idea for a few chosen humans and a pair of every “natural” creature in existence to be spared from his/her/its murder spree. Thus, he  charges this dude named Noah with squirrelling away said exceptions on a massive ark during the deluge. So what happened to the less-than-desirable folks and all of those crazy monsters and unnatural creatures that the Bible also mentions quite frequently in the early, Metal-as-all-hell, chapters? (Aside from drowning, of course?) Well we’re about to find out as, according to this new comic from Cullen Bunn and Juan Doe, a sorcerer by the name Shrae was commanded by the universe’s darker forces to build an ark of his own to safeguard the vampires and manticores and crazy snake monsters of the world from the Creator’s hand. Sounds like a wild party. I’m sure no one will die horribly. (Kris Johnson)

SNOTGIRL #7 $2.99 (Image) – On the surface, this book looks to be a superficial story about fashion and being “internet” famous. But dig deeper and there’s some crazy ass shit involving a murder, a person’s mental state….and fashion. Can’t really get away from the fashion here. (Andrew)

WONDER WOMAN/CONAN #1 (OF 6) $3.99 (DC Comics) – The Princess of Themyscira meets the Cimmerian Barbarian for the very first time! By Crom, this comic marks Conan meeting ANY DC hero for the very first time. Hell yeah, history abounds all over this sucker! When Wonder Woman is transported to the Hyborian Age, she soon crosses paths with everyone’s chop-maned, ropey-muscled Cimmerian lopper of limbs. Will they fight each other? Will they battle fearsome foes as comrades in arms? Will there be sexy times? With Conan involved it’ll just be all three. Probably all at once. (Kris Johnson)

PETER PARKER SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN #4 $3.99 (Marvel) – What happens when a former lame-duck villain from the silver age does a little TINKERING to upgrade his suit and takes it to Spidey and Human Torch? A WHOLE LOTTA destruction is what happens. Don’t miss another fun, friendly and neighbourhood-ly adventure of everybody’s favourite wall-crawler, brought to you by Chip Zdarsky and Adam Kubert. (Andrew)

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: OLD MAN JACK #1 $3.99 (Boom) – The Big Trouble In Little China franchise has experienced some serious ups and downs since coming to comics. One thing is for sure: whenever John Carpenter has been directly involved in guiding his creation, some serious magic has been been made. And not just by that big jerk, Lo Pan. Lucky for us all then that John Carpenter is back in the saddle for some writing duties on this new series that tells the story of Jack Burton’s last ride. Yes, the Pork-Chop Express is being put out to pasture. Holy shit friends, that means we’ve all gotta read this comic! What happens when a 60 year old Jack tries to pull Earth back from an apocalyptic reality in the year 2020 by taking down the immortal Ching Dai? Probably a bunch of embarrassing failures followed by some tremendous acts of heroism punctuated by bursts of riotous humour and kick-ass action. Are you in? Of course you are. You can’t step away from the table when you’re winning! (Kris Johnson)

HALF PAST DANGER 2 DEAD TO REICHS #1 (OF 5) $3.99 (IDW) – Did you miss the rip-roaring adventure that was Half Past Danger? The WWII tale about a rag tag group of allied soldiers who brought down the Nazis’ plan to use Dinosaurs to win the war? If you did, you missed out on some fantastic fun that only the four colour world of comics can provide. But never fear, even if you missed that one, you can always jump on for the second installment as Irish Flynn and Jon Noble are on the trail of their former ally, Elizabeth Huntington-Moss, who’s got her hands on some dino-DNA. This sounds like some jolly good fun. Be sure to check it out this time, will you? (Andrew)

KILL THE MINOTAUR #4 $3.99 (Image) –  I thought I had this book figured out. But after last issue? Not so much. Like the late, great Rowdy Roddy Piper used to say, just when I thought I had the answers they went and changed the questions! That’s good stuff. A rare thing in today’s comic market. So yes, it is my solemn duty to share it with the world. Theseus and his companions continue to explore the Labyrinth, searching for escape. All the while attempting, many times in vain, to evade the monstrous Minotaur. But the bull-beast isn’t the only threat before them as the maze itself holds new and deadly perils around every corner… some that couldn’t possibly be constructed by the hands of man. But if Daedalus didn’t build the labyrinth, who did? Dun dun duuuuuuuun! Mystery! (Kris Johnson)

GENERATIONS: MS MARVEL & MS MARVEL #1 $4.99 (Marvel) – It’s another one of these fun Generations one shots. This time, it’s Kamala Khan who’s been thrown around in the time stream. She ends up landing in the past where Ms Marvel is still Carol Danvers. This was when Carol was running Woman Magazine. So Kamala ends up becoming an intern at said Magazine and wackiness ensues! At least that’s what I think will happen. The two Ms Marvels will probably team up and then Kamala will go back to her own time. But I’m sure there will be wackiness as well. (Andrew)


So there you go. That’s this week’s New Comics. Check these books out and let us know what you think. We’ll be back again next week with more choice cuts of comic goodness!

If you’re gonna geek out, GEEK HARD!

Bloodshot Salvation #1